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Archive for June, 2010

i have come to realize that i can identify a bit with mary.  no, i am not talking about mary, the mother of Jesus who so willingly said to the Lord’s ambassador “i am your bond servant, may it be done to me as you have said.”  i am talking about mary, lazarus’ sister.  after she had known Jesus personally, after she had spent time with him, walked with him, talked with him, seen him do miracles and heard his voice of love, she still struggled to understand her circumstances when they became difficult.

having two younger brothers that i truly cherish, i can’t help but imagine her agony as she watched her brother become sick, as she perhaps sat at his bedside glancing from his face to the window to see if Jesus were in the distance, if he would enter the room and ease lazarus’ labored breathing just with a word.  but the frame of her Lord never showed on the horizon.  how agonizing it must have been for mary to watch her brother slip from this world.  what dissapointment, anger and betrayal she must have felt at Jesus for not having showed up.  those feeling and raw emotions were exposed in her harsh words to Jesus of “Lord, if you would have been here, my brother would not have died.”

i know that i feel this way often.  Jesus if you were here this would not have happened for whatever difficult situation i am facing.  i have a completely mistaken idea that if Christ is there with me that no hardships, no sufferings, no pain will come.  that is actually very far from the truth.  this idea comes many times because my focus is off.

i am looking to my own comfort – instead of to the God of all comfort.

i am seeking myself – instead of being selfless

i am looking at my tribulation – instead of living in the hope that does not dissapoint

i am losing courage – instead of living in the peace the overcomes the world

i am complaining – instead of rejoicing

i forget his faithfulness – instead of rejoicing always

i forget his calling and goodness – instead of living in His purpose

i forget He is the father of mercies – instead of allowing Him to use me to comfort others

i forget that HE IS

       my refuge

               strenght

                   help in trouble

                          i continue to strive and He is not exalted.

like mary i say, where are you Lord when i face hardships.

i know the next part of the story, Lazarus is raised from the dead.  Jesus’ faithfulness is proven true in mary’s life.  God is glorified.

in my life and i know in yours, we don’t see the other end yet, we don’t know if or how Jesus is going to work, we question His presence, but nothing could be further from the truth.

the truth is that. . . 

tribulations bring about a HOPE that does not dissapoint. romans 5

our HOPE is in CHRIST who has overcome the world. john 16

our GOD of PEACE will bring to pass the things HE has called us to. I thess. 5

God works ALL things to GOOD for those called according to HIS purpose. romans 8

OUR father is the FATHER of all MERCIES, in the midst of our affliction HE is the GOD of all comfort. 

HE is our help in trouble.

Jesus did not criticize mary for her questioning of his lack of presence, but he did move to alleviate the source of her grief.  

when we turn to Christ and say if you were here. . .

i wouldn’t feel this way

i wouldn’t have this problem

i wouldn’t  have this road block

i wouldn’t have this doubt

i wouldn’t have this temptation.

i believe Christ is challenging me and many of us to at those times to turn our eyes from ourselves, to believe his promises, one being that He will never leave or forsake us.  and to even more importantly turn our eyes to how our circumstances can actually like lazurus’ being raised from the dead, bring glory to God.

i hope to like mary as i see the bigger picture and have an understanding of the scope of eternity that i will be willing to put aside my own securities, my own desires, my own infatuations with my circumstances.  that i would be willing to lay my life at Jesus’ feet like she did when she broke a bottle of perfume on his feet.  i know that i personally have a long way to go.  but that He is faithful.

i may not see immediately, or even on this side of eternity a removal of some of the grief, hardships and sufferings in this life, but i desire to press into the spirit of believe where i do cease to strive and know that God is God and then i believe that HE will be exalted and glorified in my life.

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back to kc. . .

i am heading back to kansas city for a bit of an extended time. thanks for all those who prayed for me, whatever the viral thing was that was making me feel so blah is much better.

i am looking forward to a bit of time back in kansas city. . . hopefully i will be able to enjoy the farmers market tomorrow as long as all my flights go well.

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not so good

i would really appreciate prayers. i am not feeling very good this morning. my whole body is feeling really achy and it is not fun!! thanks.

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this last week i did a seminar for the nurses about post-partum infection.  we had lots of active learning and participation.  these nurses are truly great and do so much for the women in this community.  we had a great two days and i hope they learned lots!

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i flew back into haiti early sunday. let me tell you early. . . i was not super excited to wake up at 3 in the morning my time to get my flight! but i had extremely smooth travels and for that i am grateful.

one of the reasons that i had wanted to come back during this first week of june was so that i would be able to help the prosthetic team if they needed it. it really has been a blessing to see them work and just feel their energy about being involved here.

yesterday in the group of patients who came was a young guy who had surgery in october. he had what appeared to be bone cancer in october and it took three days to be able to convince him and really more so his mother to let them do an amputation. my heart was so glad to see him yesterday, he looks great and that encourages me that his cancer was probably not metastatic and then to watch him be fitted and receive a prosthetic lower leg and probably be able to learn to walk without crutches. how awesome!!

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